Hi, there! :)
I can't believe it's been almost two years since my last post. It felt just like a year, and New Year was just around the corner, and what...? It's May now? It's really scary how time flies...or maybe it just warps, like they do in Star Trek? B) Well, don't mind me.
Anyway, the past year has been crazy, hasn't it? With the pandemic, the whole stay-at-home and work-from-home thing; the online-everything (online school, online meeting, online-...., you name it) that are sometimes more exhausting that the offline versions, and the worst of it all, I think it is the fact that we've been repeatedly disappointed. Several times we got our hopes up, that everything would soon come to an end, but then, again and again, we had to accept the reality that the end was probably not going to come anytime soon.
I really miss travelling, and I think my home is so sick of me now T.T But it's okay...let's just hang in there a little bit more... we can do this..
But anyway, I'm not here today to talk about those things. A random thought came into my mind yesterday after days of contemplation, and I think I need to put it into words and publish it here, simply as a reminder to myself in case I get into the same doubt in the future. You may agree or disagree with what I write here, but IF, if you happen to find that you can relate to my thought, or maybe this post resonates with you, feel free to reach me out. I'll be really glad to know you :)
So, how should I start...?
Well, I guess it's safe to say that most of us like being liked. Just like how that thumb-up or double-tap heart in social medias can control our mood for the day, that feeling of being the recipient of such an attention can be really addictive.
Which is why, when we like someone, we tend to expect that they like us back. And when they don't, we often find ourselves lost in a long tunnel of thoughts, thinking "Why doesn't he/she like me back? What's wrong with me? Am I not worthy enough to be liked? What did I do wrong? Maybe no one will ever like me or love me....?" and other self-blaming questions that won't stop popping in our mind. I've been there really, and I've blamed myself for months too. Until I realized, it's just an obsession. It's our ego talking.
Let's imagine it this way, you really like something, that you keep thinking about it, that you think you should have it no matter what, eventhough you know you can still live well without it. It's just your pride talking: I can afford it, so why not?
But here's my take:
Just because we like it, it doesn't mean we have to own it.
Just because we like it, it doesn't mean we need it in our life.
Just because we like it, it doesn't mean that we can't live without it.
Just because we can't have it, it doesn't mean we become less worthy.
Without it, life still goes on.
I think the same goes for relationships. Sometimes, the people that we like don't reciprocate the feeling, they don't like us back, but who are we to expect them to have the same feeling towards us? Feelings can't be bought. Everyone has freedom over whom they like.
Just because he/she doesn't like you, it never means that you are not worthy. It is just that they can't see your worth, they can't afford your worth, or they are just not willing to fight for it. So, it is not you to blame, and you should be grateful that you get to say early goodbye to someone who doesn't even want to make any effort to have you at your worth. Never ever lower your worth just to be accepted by others.
I would prefer to think of this by using a Hermes bag analogy.
You see, a Hermes bag won't be sold half price just because a customer thinks it is too expensive and refuses to buy it. Because the company knows really well how much their bags are worth, they know that there will be a lot of other customers who could appreciate their value and are more than willing to go to great lengths to have it at full price.
It is sad, of course, when it doesn't happen as we expect. But again, it doesn't mean you become less of yourself without that person in your life. Feeling is something that we can't force even on ourselves, let alone on others.
Just as simple as liking a food, when you don't like eating a particular food, you can't force yourself to like it, right? Maybe you can make yourself chew and swallow it down, but still, you can't force yourself to like it even if you want to. Feeling is really something that's totally out of our control. And so, expecting someone to like us, when they themselves (and even, we ourselves) can't have a say on it, is kinda useless and will just leave us with empty hope.
So, when it doesn't work out with someone, it's fine to feel sad, but keep in mind that it is NEVER your fault, it's not because you are not worthy enough. When you like someone, that's it, you've done your part, don't expect anything from the other side. If they like you back, congrats, you're so LUCKY! But if they don't, well, that's not a problem, it's not something that you can control anyway, you'll be fine. And I think, liking someone this way feels soooo liberating.
Hmmm, as I'm typing this, it seems to me that maybe it's true that expectation kills?
I know that this kind of thinking might not be easy to apply especially when our feelings get in the way, and we can't think straight as we're clouded with emotions, but I do wish that this post can serve its purpose as a reminder when I, or probably you, need it to clear our minds in the future, or maybe it can help any of you who are reading it right now?
Well, THANK YOU, whoever you are, for reading this lengthy random thought post till the end. Yes, I'm ending the post here :D and I hope you'll get to meet someone who will be able to see your true value. Remember, you are WORTHY. I root for you! \(^o^)/ Let's be cool! :D
I can't believe it's been almost two years since my last post. It felt just like a year, and New Year was just around the corner, and what...? It's May now? It's really scary how time flies...or maybe it just warps, like they do in Star Trek? B) Well, don't mind me.
Anyway, the past year has been crazy, hasn't it? With the pandemic, the whole stay-at-home and work-from-home thing; the online-everything (online school, online meeting, online-...., you name it) that are sometimes more exhausting that the offline versions, and the worst of it all, I think it is the fact that we've been repeatedly disappointed. Several times we got our hopes up, that everything would soon come to an end, but then, again and again, we had to accept the reality that the end was probably not going to come anytime soon.
I really miss travelling, and I think my home is so sick of me now T.T But it's okay...let's just hang in there a little bit more... we can do this..
But anyway, I'm not here today to talk about those things. A random thought came into my mind yesterday after days of contemplation, and I think I need to put it into words and publish it here, simply as a reminder to myself in case I get into the same doubt in the future. You may agree or disagree with what I write here, but IF, if you happen to find that you can relate to my thought, or maybe this post resonates with you, feel free to reach me out. I'll be really glad to know you :)
So, how should I start...?
Well, I guess it's safe to say that most of us like being liked. Just like how that thumb-up or double-tap heart in social medias can control our mood for the day, that feeling of being the recipient of such an attention can be really addictive.
Which is why, when we like someone, we tend to expect that they like us back. And when they don't, we often find ourselves lost in a long tunnel of thoughts, thinking "Why doesn't he/she like me back? What's wrong with me? Am I not worthy enough to be liked? What did I do wrong? Maybe no one will ever like me or love me....?" and other self-blaming questions that won't stop popping in our mind. I've been there really, and I've blamed myself for months too. Until I realized, it's just an obsession. It's our ego talking.
Let's imagine it this way, you really like something, that you keep thinking about it, that you think you should have it no matter what, eventhough you know you can still live well without it. It's just your pride talking: I can afford it, so why not?
But here's my take:
Just because we like it, it doesn't mean we have to own it.
Just because we like it, it doesn't mean we need it in our life.
Just because we like it, it doesn't mean that we can't live without it.
Just because we can't have it, it doesn't mean we become less worthy.
Without it, life still goes on.
I think the same goes for relationships. Sometimes, the people that we like don't reciprocate the feeling, they don't like us back, but who are we to expect them to have the same feeling towards us? Feelings can't be bought. Everyone has freedom over whom they like.
Just because he/she doesn't like you, it never means that you are not worthy. It is just that they can't see your worth, they can't afford your worth, or they are just not willing to fight for it. So, it is not you to blame, and you should be grateful that you get to say early goodbye to someone who doesn't even want to make any effort to have you at your worth. Never ever lower your worth just to be accepted by others.
I would prefer to think of this by using a Hermes bag analogy.
You see, a Hermes bag won't be sold half price just because a customer thinks it is too expensive and refuses to buy it. Because the company knows really well how much their bags are worth, they know that there will be a lot of other customers who could appreciate their value and are more than willing to go to great lengths to have it at full price.
It is sad, of course, when it doesn't happen as we expect. But again, it doesn't mean you become less of yourself without that person in your life. Feeling is something that we can't force even on ourselves, let alone on others.
Just as simple as liking a food, when you don't like eating a particular food, you can't force yourself to like it, right? Maybe you can make yourself chew and swallow it down, but still, you can't force yourself to like it even if you want to. Feeling is really something that's totally out of our control. And so, expecting someone to like us, when they themselves (and even, we ourselves) can't have a say on it, is kinda useless and will just leave us with empty hope.
So, when it doesn't work out with someone, it's fine to feel sad, but keep in mind that it is NEVER your fault, it's not because you are not worthy enough. When you like someone, that's it, you've done your part, don't expect anything from the other side. If they like you back, congrats, you're so LUCKY! But if they don't, well, that's not a problem, it's not something that you can control anyway, you'll be fine. And I think, liking someone this way feels soooo liberating.
Hmmm, as I'm typing this, it seems to me that maybe it's true that expectation kills?
I know that this kind of thinking might not be easy to apply especially when our feelings get in the way, and we can't think straight as we're clouded with emotions, but I do wish that this post can serve its purpose as a reminder when I, or probably you, need it to clear our minds in the future, or maybe it can help any of you who are reading it right now?
Well, THANK YOU, whoever you are, for reading this lengthy random thought post till the end. Yes, I'm ending the post here :D and I hope you'll get to meet someone who will be able to see your true value. Remember, you are WORTHY. I root for you! \(^o^)/ Let's be cool! :D
See you again?
sillyandordinarygirl
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