Hi, there!

It's been a while :)

I've been missing and I'm ready to be back anytime soon. Haha

So, it has been a busy couple of months, or maybe triple. (ignore it if you don't get my joke XD)

Or truth to be told, the first month was the most hectic, because I needed to focus and spend my whole free time to prepare for a language proficiency exam. (Well, I'm kinda the person who has "high" expectations on myself, and I didn't want to regret not trying harder and doing my best.) Hence, I had to bid adios to my blog for a bit. 

The main thing came after: I came to realize that I needed to take some time off this whole social media thing. I found that for the whole month I spent not posting anything on Instagram or on the blog, I felt more at ease. I started to recall how it had been for me all this time being so drowned in the Instagram flood. I could spend hours scrolling the timeline, checking one's account after another, envying the influencers' fabulous feed, thinking "maybe if I bought that dress, I would look just as gorgeous, and it would make a great ootd photo, and I would get more likes and more followers". It's real. The likes that I got on every photo that I posted controlled my mood. When I got a lot of likes, I was happy. When it didn't, I couldn't stop wondering what had gone wrong. "Don't people like my photos anymore? Am I really not good?" Yeah, I was THAT insecure.    

The same thing goes for the blog. "Why don't people read my blog? Maybe they don't like my writing? Maybe it's too long? Or too short? Not interesting enough? What's wrong? Is it because I don't travel enough?" and it even reached the extent where I had this idea that I had to keep travelling in order to have something to write about. Suddenly, this entire blogging thing is not about sharing my thoughts and my experience anymore, it's about content. Travelling is no longer about going to places and have fun. It's about how to take good pictures, and enhance that Instagram feed, getting "likes" and again, to create content. For what, you ask? For the "pageviews" number to increase, to being liked, to be followed, and eventually become the so-called "power-blogger". 

And it hit me at that moment: Why would those little numbers dictate how I feel? They are only numbers without feelings. And worst of them all, why would I let it consume me? 

I have the power to change it, the choice is mine. I can't change the way people see me, but I can change my own perspective. Why would I care so much of how people like me? or my photos? or my writing? It's up to them to like or not. It's a freedom of speech era anyway. Why would I worry about things that I can do nothing about? 

I don't hate the social media platforms or the influencers, nor am I asking you to ban any of them. I believe that these platforms, if used for the right purpose and in the proper way, can be a powerful means to share knowledge, to spread positivity, or maybe to bring people closer. 

The point is, I'm just despising the way I got so carried away and ended up not feeling good being myself. Therefore, I made this "NOTE TO SELF" as a reminder to myself, so that I won't lose my way again. I choose to do what I love, to be myself, with or without others' approval (why would it affect me anyway? haha). I started this blog to share, and that's what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna write what I want, I'm gonna upload pictures that I like, without being afraid of whether others will "double-tap" or not. 

Maybe you'll say "hey, it's not even that bad! at least you don't have any hate comment, at least you're not ridiculed by people". And yes, I'm very fortunate that way, that I don't have to go through that "extreme" level to be aware of things before it can get any worse. 

To any of you, reading this post, if you're feeling as insecure as me, or even worse, maybe you really need to have some "social-media-detox". Remember, you can always choose for yourself. You decide for YOU. Stay away from the negativity. The happiness that we got from those "likes" are just temporary. Exit that app, put down your phone and look around. You'll find real happiness. ❤❤❤

 credit: pinterest